


I Love You, Still

by antiero



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009!phan, Hurt!Dan, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phan Angst, Phan Fluff, Phanfiction, crying n shit, i should be studying, idk - Freeform, kissing like making out, pre-smut???ig, references to past self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 17:46:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6817765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antiero/pseuds/antiero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan confesses to Phil the real reason he wants to keep his shirt on...</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Love You, Still

**Author's Note:**

> it started out w a kiss how did it end up like this,,,,,,  
> if you didnt read the tags, this fic mentions self harm (in past tense, as in they no longer self harm and there are no graphic scenes involving self harm) but pls be safe!!  
> i have a big test tmrw also pls pray for me  
> enjoy frickers  
> (comments are always appreciated!!)

   Dan stepped off of the train onto the platform, eyes scanning the crowd in front of him for a tall boy with black fringe. It seemed as if he'd never find him, until he heard a quiet "Dan?" come from behind him. Dan spun around and his eyes connected with the bright blue ones that were so much better in person, he decided.

   Dan jogged the few feet between them and threw his arms around Phil. Tears gathered in his eyes.  _Holy shit. Holy shit, he's real, he's real and I'm holding him. Oh my god._ Phil heard Dan sniff and pulled back to look at his face. After wiping Dan's tears with his thumb, he leaned in again and pressed his lips to Dan's shoulder, holding back tears of his own. 

   They quickly recovered, hands slotting together and walking to the nearest Starbucks. When they ordered their drinks, they quietly picked a booth to sit in and sat across from each other.

   "You okay?" Phil reached across the table and grabbed Dan's hand, stroking his thumb across the smooth skin. 

   Dan nodded and smiled, "It's just- You. You're real and right here in front of me. I'm so happy."

   ---

   After heading back to Phil's house, Dan and Phil quickly changed into pajamas and had a movie playing on the T.V., a bowl of popcorn resting in on of their laps. Dan leaned into Phil, arms wrapped around his middle and head nuzzled into his neck.

   About 45 minutes into the movie, Phil leaned down and attached his lips to Dan's, pushing the half empty bowl to the side and pushing Dan's fringe away from his face. He pushed Dan onto his back and found his way between his legs, just resting there and gently kissing him, fingers resting on the back of his neck and playing with the short hair there.

   It was when Phil pushed his hands under Dan's shirt and looked up at him, asking to remove it, that Dan pushed away. He was done with self harm, but that made his scars no less visible. Phil didn't know about his scars, either, which made it worse.

   "Dan? God, I'm sorry, was I pushing you too far? I'm sorry, we can just finish the movie if you want."

   Dan shook his head, "No, I- Phil- I want to. I really want to but I just- Can we leave my shirt on?"

   Phil was a bit disappointed knowing he wouldn't be able to see the boy's torso, but he didn't want him to be uncomfortable as he knew how insecure the boy could get.

   "Yeah, of course! You want to change into a shirt without sleeves so you won't get too hot, or...?"

   Dan bowed his head and shook it in disapproval. He nervously fumbled with the sleeves of his sweater, tears starting to form in his eyes. He hated lying to Phil, he really hated it, but Dan figured that if Phil saw the white lines that littered his arms, he would be quick to kick him out and forget about him. 

   Phil's eyebrows knitted together, guilt flooding through him, "Hey, Dan? It's okay, yeah? We don't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with. Let's just watch the movie, okay? Please, don't cry, it's okay."

   "Phil...It's not that." Dan wiped his eyes and looked up to meet Phil's gaze. Phil tilted his head, urging Dan to go on.

   "I haven't been- I've been keeping something from you. I want to- to go further but...You'll hate me."

   "Dan...Love, I could never hate you. What's the matter? You can tell me, Bear." Phil lightly stroked Dan's knee, trying to comfort the boy in front of him.

   Dan inhaled deeply. _He is too good for me. Too bad he's going to hate my entire being in a few moments._ Dan struggled to keep his breathing even and the tears off of his face.

   Hesitantly, Dan reached down and pulled up his right sleeve, revealing rows upon rows of thin, white scars. Phil inhaled sharply, grabbing Dan's arm and examining it closer.

   "Baby...Why did you- Why would you do this to yourself?" Phil murmured, his emotion was unclear. He sounded a mixture of sad, angry, guilty, concerned...it goes on.

   Dan pulled his arm away and wrapped it around himself, tears freely falling now.

   "I'm sorry, Phil. Shit, I knew this would happen, I fucking knew it. I should've- I haven't done it in a long time, Phil, I promise! I- I'll just-" Dan's chest heaved and he sobbed into his hands. Dan shakily started to stand up before Phil pulled him back down into his chest.

   "You aren't going anywhere." Dan nodded and leaned into his touch. "Why did you think my reaction would be so awful? Dan, you don't have to tell me why you did it, okay? I'm not fucking lying when I say I love you and want to be with you, you get that? I don't care what's happened. You're safe and you're alive and that's all that fucking matters to me. But you tell me next time you want to hurt yourself, okay? You come to me and I'll help you."

   Dan closed his eyes and nodded, "I will, I'm sorry. I love you."

   "Let's finish the movie, yeah?" Phil said, pressing a few kisses to Dan's cheek before leaning over to grab the remote and rewinding the movie.

   "Yeah, okay."


End file.
